Asparagus!
It was my fourth month on the job, and things were going great. The American Asparagus Farmers Association had seen better monthly results than they had in years, and it was all thanks to me and my hard work. So when I got call last week from the CEO, I was eager to show him just how smart I really am.
“This year has been a bumper crop for asparagus in America,” he said in a gruff voice. “The problem is that we now have a massive surplus, there are literally hundreds of tons of asparagus sitting in warehouses around the country about to go bad!”
“You can count on me sir, I will take care of this problem for you.” As soon as I hung up the phone, I got right to work. After hours of strategizing with my generally useless Executive Assistant Brian, I eventually came to the conclusion that the best solution was to donate the surplus asparagus to homeless shelters and food banks across the nation. Not only would it convey the Association’s goodwill, but we would receive a sizable tax write off. “Brilliant,” I thought to myself with a smile.
A few days later as I was reading the newspaper on my way to work, a knot formed in my stomach. “Nation’s Cities Reek of Asparagus Pee.” Front page, New York Times. I had apparently neglected to consider that after consuming hundreds of tons of asparagus, the nation’s homeless population would go forth and pee all over the cities they lived in.
FML.
